And it seems so, that as I become an adult, I thought I had lost these wonders of childhood. But it is amazing how the things you used to know are simply sleeping, dormant, and never truly forgotten. I do not think I would be as successful as I am in my current career in law enforcement, rigidly bound by policies and procedures, had I not nurtured the side of me that delights at a wildflower, at a bird’s song. Nor would I be half as happy in my relationships with others, from the children to grown-ups in my life, had I ignored the child within me that is always seeing the wonders and love abundance in the world all around.

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My work as a Parole/Probation Officer takes me from office buildings to courthouses, to offender homes ranging from half a million in price to ramshackle rundown trailer parks, to homeless shelters to tents in the woods. When I am out there I am laden with bullet proof vests, gun and taser and pepper spray, handcuffs and extra ammunition. Once, a loved one asked that I try not to lose myself, my humanity in all the trappings of my work. I always try.

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You might wonder, after almost 13 years why I would want to switch tracks to Education. Perhaps because it has been 13 years, and the state of the world is not quite the same as the one I remember when I started.

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You never came out the way you came in. – Francis Spufford, “The Child that Books Built”

 

Yet, perhaps, it isn’t so much a switch as a growth. I have been teaching all these years, in so many ways. Nothing I taught was on a template, a curriculum, but I taught nonetheless. I have helped, all these years, in ways big and small. Once I received a letter from an inmate who had made another mistake and landed in jail, and while there he had a disagreement with another inmate. He wrote to me and said “I almost went up to him and it would have been bad, but I heard your voice in my head ‘Is it worth it?’ and I stopped.” Small victories, but this is the nature of my work. Every success is measured in small steps forwards and how many days have gone before another relapse, another set-back. I am proud of the work that I do, no matter the nature of the work itself as long as it is honest and true to my values. As long as it allows me to grow as a person and not lose my humanity.

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When I am not working, I am taking care of my elderly parents, seen here in healthier times. I read obsessively, I paint when I have time, and write poetry when I am sad. I have been told that I own two many pairs of shoes. I also take walks with my dog, and feed a cat that hates to be touched unless she wants food. I also try to remember to feed the husband and the two year old who is a fierce little girl who loves dinosaurs. 

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I equate growing with learning, or the ability to continue to learn as I age. This isn’t limited to academics. I took my first art class as a junior in high school, and have continued to paint and draw off and on over the years. I have always written, both prose and verse, and if nothing else, the words themselves have found freedom from the confines of my thoughts. Think critically, live life in the present, and try not to lose yourself in the trappings of life no matter how bleak or harsh seeming. These are the tenets of life I would like to present to others, to preserve for myself and my children who will become adults who hopefully will choose to live their lives in ways that impacts the world positively.

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*Image(s) are my own unless otherwise indicated.